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What has this to do with parenting you ask? An appalling case, two people dead, one blinded, opinion split nationally. ‘He deserved it.’

By all accounts Moat was a violent thug. But he was a parent. He was a human being and someone’s son. His crimes were unspeakable, but 12 months ago he asked for help. It didn’t happen. If you want macho, watch ‘The Bill.’ In a recent episode, one copper sees another parent hang himself, helps cut him down and he survives. But he had already killed his son. The copper goes to revive him. Later he has a breakdown.  His sergeant brushes off his own father’s death as if it were a fly.

These last two cases were fiction. And maybe the macho posturing will be shot down in future episodes.

Macho, insensitive, alpha male, sexist programming is garbage. It doesn’t work. It makes the macho man even worse in later life. It closes him down and can make him ill. Or in extreme cases, far worse.

Is your son learning to bury his feelings and build a wall around him? Are you digging a moat?  Show him a better way.

Jack Stewart

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Sanity seems to be prevailing. To quote the minster: “You were assumed to be guilty until you were proven innocent, and told you were able to work with children.” More here -http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/education/10314055.stm

The implications of this go far beyond the obvious. Kids are being subtly told [and blatantly in some cases] that adults can’t be trusted. And kids who decide they want to pursue a career working with kids, that they too are under suspicion.

The world is full of fear-laden policies and tactics which undermine parenting. However, let us celebrate when the government gets it right. 

Jack Stewart

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This is a primary theme running through both our books. ‘Do as I do and do as I say.’ Do you do as you say? Is there congruence between your words and actions?

We live in a world of deliberate confusion. One media source will tell you a substance/product/food/activity is good for kids, another the opposite. This is another reason to be consistent yourself.

Greece is in the news at the moment, and it is accompanied by xenophobic rants about Greeks not paying tax. If you had any time to spare, you would discover through research that people who run the planet don’t pay any tax either. Except we are not talking about a few euros, we are talking billions. 

Much of this is hidden from the public. But be under no illusion. By setting the best example you can, you can put off or deny for ever the day your child is weighed down by the deliberate confusion of the world. You can be the light in the darkness. And as you shine on your child, you will shine on everyone. And sometime soon, confusion and deceit will lift, and your child will be an even greater gift to you, your family and the world.

Jack Stewart.

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So it’s your fault. And you know it. Everyone around you blames you. You feel terrible. You put it right, as far as you can. The damage is never permanent. The ‘victim’ [your child] learns from it. So do you. And so do those who prefer learning to condemnation.

You let go, you move on.

The only people who want you to spend the rest of your life feeling guilty are doing the same to themselves.

There is nothing of value in continuously beating yourself up. When did any creative solution ever emerge from doom & gloom?

Look around. What are the kids like whose parents are always beating themslves up?  Good role models?

Shut down the scapegoat factory, forgive yourself. Set the best example.

Jack Stewart

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Hi! I was just thinking about our original book The Coaching Parent.  I don’t really know what I expected in terms of where the book might be bought.  What has astounded me is that sales have occurred in Sweden,  Turkey, Germany, Japan (why not?) and North America. Guess it’s sort of reassuring that the work invested can be discovered! It’s all more important given the imminence of our follow-up work – almost gave the title away then, but then our publisher might kill me…

David Miskimin

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